- Everybody is different, we are all unique. It took me decades to understand and recognise that nobody is like me. They don't share the same dreams, enjoy the same treats, respect the same values as me. They don't believe in the same politics, they don't have the same belief systems, nor do they have the same ambitions. I was very puzzled by this. Why weren't people passionate about matters that concerned me so much? I still find it hard to accept to be quite honest, but at least I am aware of the discrepancy. Part of me is generous in accepting that variety is what makes humans interesting and special, part of me feels sorry for them, and that they are missing out.
- Be proud of who you are, and your own uniqueness. Nowadays I tell the story of how, when I was about twelve or thirteen, I was terribly upset by the innumerable put downs I received that undermined my self-confidence and my self-esteem. It could have stayed like that for the rest of my life, but there was a moment when, sobbing by myself in my bedroom in the attic, I had a moment of revelation when I thought to myself that actually I was all right. It was a complete secret, and of course I could not share it or the illusion would have been destroyed, and it took me decades to share it, as the put downs always continued to come, from people who somehow felt threatened by my exuberance, my difference, my nonconforming.
- Don't follow the herd — the herd can stampede over the edge of a cliff, and often does. It took courage for me not to smoke, to go to university, to not drink lots of alcohol, to enjoy classical music and opera rather than popular music, to reclaim my Jewish heritage, to ignore the popular concept of Christmas with its excesses, to live in homes that others wouldn't touch, to never have a package deal holiday, to buy a ruined cottage in France or a ridiculously tiny apartment in Trieste, to furnish my homes in my own taste. Be bold and confident in your self belief, and not boring. We learn from our mistakes anyway.
- Another facet of being proud of who you are: be proud of where you come from, whether socially or culturally. Mam is proud to tell people that I am a painter and decorator's son, and that she is a tailor's daughter, who grew up living over the shop. I managed to make sure you were all given names that were different, that permanently reminded you of your heritage, and to your credit you've all taken pride in your names, reminders of ancestors. I probably confused everybody with my research which traced ancestry for us from every corner of Europe, North Africa and the Middle East, plus the East End of London and Manchester, but you've survived it well.
- Success comes in different ways. My greatest successes haven't earned me a penny, for example, such as Exeter Synagogue and Cavernoma Alliance, or my book on the Bideford witches. I'm also proud of the way I influenced people's lives.
- Work can be hugely satisfying as well as absolutely awful. Sometimes I had work that paid the mortgage, but I still gave it my heart and soul, as at the museum; at other times I had work that was challenging but I made a success of it, whether at Bideford Arts Centre or the Workers' Educational Association. If you have work that you love, that is a great blessing.
- Physical work is good for the soul. I have always been proud that I could use my hands, whether as a gardener, plumber, curtain maker, electrician, decorator, roofer or anything else. I loved using my hands as well as my brain, and the balance kept me well balanced too.
- Do honour and respect your parents, even if they weren't perfect, they did the best they could. I hope I modelled that to you.
- I learnt late in life how important friends are, but luckily I didn't leave it too late. I always thought I could be self-sufficient, but once I opened up to friendship in my life I discovered something wonderful, and it was a revelation to find friends who loved me for who I am, and who valued and appreciated me. They have also been a tremendous support to me in difficult times.
- If you really believe in something, never be ashamed of it or feel guilty about it. I have done some things that others might disapprove of, but I feel confident in these things, and that has made a real difference.
- Be passionate, and don't let put downs stop you.
- This one I am adding in the early hours, after lying in bed thinking about what I have written, and it follows on from my third point. As I approach my death I am appalled and saddened by the collapse of western liberal democracy, engineered by and a consequence of the greed of the billionaires and their millionaires, the gruesomely self-named neoliberals, who have bought their way to power and subverted the world that I have known since my birth, the post-war years when socialist policies in Britain created opportunities for people like myself and started to level the playing field of opportunity. That world has now been forgotten, and I see the herd approaching the edge of the abyss, the herd that voted for Brexit and for Trump, Trump whose ego is even bigger than Putin's. I fear for the future, for my children, my family, my friends and the world. Repeatedly the phrase comes to my mind 'the golden calf of scorn', from the poem that I chose a few days ago to be read at my funeral, a poem that I have sung in the past in both English and Hebrew at Passover seders that I have led. The poem ends with a message of hope for the future though. I hope you come through all these challenges, and I hope the values you possess will see you through.
Laugh and I repeat anew
That I still believe in man
As I still believe in you.
By the passion of his spirit
Shall his ancient bonds be shed.
Let the soul be given freedom,
Let the body have its bread!
Laugh for I believe in friendship,
Laugh for I believe in friendship,
And in one I still believe,
One whose heart shall beat with my heart
And with mine rejoice and grieve.
Let the time be dark with hatred,
Let the time be dark with hatred,
I believe in years beyond
Love at last shall bind the peoples
In an everlasting bond.
On that day shall my own people
Rooted in its soil arise,
Shake the yoke from off its shoulders
And the darkness from its eyes.
Life and love and strength and action
In their heart and blood shall beat,
And their hopes shall be both heaven
And the earth beneath their feet.
Then a new song shall be lifted
To the young, the free, the brave,
And the wreath to crown the singer
Shall be gathered from my grave.
For my soul is not yet sold
To the golden calf of scorn
And I still believe in man
I shall no doubt add to this list if I can. Meanwhile, here is Leo's list, which is a joy to read after my own list:
There is something special about us five “Thorn Gents”. We are unique, flawed, brilliant.
I was thinking about some of the things that set us apart and show us at our radiant best. Though we occasionally acknowledge some of these things, it is not necessary to express them in writing. Nonetheless, I thought I would share with you my thoughts on things that show us at our best. Though we definitely do not always display these things, each of us can and does at least sometimes.
- Appreciation of the value of simple things: food, exercise, music, reading, artistic expression, discussion, fire and candlelight.
- Vision to identify possibilities and enjoy the richness of potential in the present.
- Generosity to help and support others, whether well-known or not.
- Joy in physical movement: dancing, running, sport, swimming, cycling.
- Compassion and care for the poorly and infirm.
- Pride in our family history, both British and foreign, and recognition of how it has affected us.
- Emotional engagement with music.
- Ability to connect with anyone.
- Ethic of hard work when necessary with a perspective of what matters.
- Unique Jewish identity; appreciation of the culture, heritage and outlook.
- Commitment to work together and stand by those close to us despite difficulties and differences.
- Self-confidence, character and pride to impress on the world.
- Conviction in decisions and freedom from concern of the opinions of others.
- Openness and a willingness to show affection and give praise.
- Ability to generate and appreciate humour.
- A love of life.
- A sense that whatever happens, we'll be alright.
Reading Leo's List I feel a pride in that it seems the message already successfully got through to my children.
No comments:
Post a Comment