Geoffrey Neild Gent

Geoffrey Neild Gent towards the end of his life

My uncle Geoffrey Neild Gent was born on 30th June, 1937, at 16, Manley Road, Whalley Range, Manchester. He was the fourth of my grandparents' five children, and a much-wanted late child. Geoffrey was delayed in his development, and my grandmother attributed this to his contracting whooping cough in infancy, which caused permanent brain damage, though it may have been congenital.

I was born in the same room at Manley Road in 1949, the downstairs front room, and Geoffrey was outside the door, curious to know what was happening. He used to look at me in the pram, and my mother recalls watching terrified, frightened to intervene, when he rapidly closed and opened the garden shears close above my face. Geoffrey must have been there when my sister Stella was born in 1947, and when she died in 1948. I was about two years when Geoffrey left, and at about the same time I left with my parents and elder sister to live in Wythenshawe.

Geoffrey's behaviour could always be challenging. he would throw things, and knock crockery off tables. His habit of squeezing our knees was harmless, if irritating, but could alarm strangers who feared he would molest children. He would get very irritated with his mother, and sometimes hurt her by a hard rap on her hand, or a punch to the arm. His father mentions having his nose tweaked. When in a car he would rap the driver, often Ralph, hard on the head. Sometimes he would hug his mother so hard it could scare. It was all difficult to deal with, and I suspect he got away with too much when young, so that these bad habits have stayed throughout life. Touching other patients could lead to great annoyance, and lashing out by them, with a consequent response from Geoffrey. Geoffrey can be quite obsessive in his behaviour, picking up fluff, removing specks on clothes, again to people's frequent annoyance. When pleased he will often bend down and touch his toes, or hug himself. I should imagine he has a mental age of three or four.

I have tried to reconstruct some of Geoffrey's life story, using extracts from letters and reminiscences from us, the members of his family.

With his younger brother Ralph c.1940

Geoffrey and Ralph in front of 16, Manley Road

Geoffrey with his older brother Dennis

Geoffrey with his father on holiday

Geoffrey at Clitheroe

A surprise visit to his mother

A day out in Teignmouth with me and my family

Calderstones Hospital

The entrance gates to Calderstones Hospital

One of the blocks at Calderstones

Geoffrey Neild Gent: Extracts from Family Letters, 1950-1971

FWG is Geoffrey’s Dad

BEG is Geoffrey’s Mam

FEB is Geoffrey’s sister Lyn

FDG is Geoffrey’s brother Dennis

Saturday 23rd December 1950

Mam went to no 6 (with Geoffrey) and found all ok except for a burst pipe in the washhouse. [FWG]

We had a grand time at Christmas though not too hectic. Mother was the only visitor. G. It’s still terribly cold, the snow and ice is still here, never thawed enough. Geoff had a grand time among the snow. [FWG]

Sunday 31st December 1950

We missed you all but had a very enjoyable Christmas. We had expected Geoffrey to be in one of his usual tantrums but he was marvellous, no trouble at all. In fact he has been very good all week. Today he is slipping back to his old self. I did intend taking him to number 6 tomorrow (New Year’s Day), but Janie rang up to say she is coming for the afternoon. By taxi, of course. Will have to hope that Geoffrey will not be too bad. [BEG]

10th January 1951

Last Friday it was very foggy, by 5pm it was so thick that traffic just came to a standstill, cars were all over the road. I had to walk to prep at Church because we had all the party presents to parcel up, and the fog was quite dense, it gave me a real headache. Yet it was cleared by about 10pm. Mam had taken Geoffrey to town and had to walk back - she was fagged and fed up by the time they got home. I produced the inevitable cup of tea and aspro to back her up! [FEB]

13th January 1951

I shall not forget the 12th for a long time. Ralph was delirious most of the night, we were frightened several times, he looked like Geoffrey when he is coming out of a fit. He is much better now. Philip looked awful, could hardly open his eyes, and could not sleep. Geoffrey was in a tantalising mood, and knocked my tea over. I smacked him, so down went the chairs etc. I said I’d smack him again if he did not pick them up, so he started to cry. I went upstairs to dress, and closed the bedroom door so I would not hear him. Shortly afterwards I heard a bang, thought it was Geoffrey going out of the back door. I took my time. Imagine my horror to see him lying in the hall. The bang was Geoffrey falling in a fit. Daddy had come out of the kitchen and turned Geoffrey over, poor boy, he had fallen on his face. Luckily he had not injured himself but he had a vivid weal across one cheek. We lifted him upstairs; he cried with head pains most of the day, but was a little better about teatime, so I persuaded him to get up, thinking he would not sleep at night. Geoffrey had not long been up when he went into another fit. Lyn was in, but it upsets her; we managed to lay Geoffrey on the floor. He did struggle for such a long time, then he was sick while still in the fit. That hasn’t happened before. He had three bromide yesterday, so had a fair night, and his face is much better. Can you imagine how I felt. Poor Geoffrey, it’s so easy to misunderstand him. I heard him fall, and took no notice.

It had been a very bad week with Geoffrey, Daddy not working much, so you can guess. I have had to be out of the house most of the week with Geoffrey, just wandering around killing time.[BEG]

Lots of love to my little girl and baby. Geoffrey says he will try to be good to you when you come back. [BEG]

Geoffrey must have gone to Calderstones Hospital, near Clitheroe in 1951 or 1952. According to Ralph, two women came in a car 'to take Geoffrey out for a ride’, something that made him very happy to leave, not knowing that he would not return. He was taken away to Calderstones, and his parents were told to have no contact with him for a full month, so that he could settle down. In fact, it appears that he was kept in a straight jacket for most of that time to presumably break his spirit, only being allowed out of the straight jacket to eat, for example. My grandmother was devastated when she discovered what had happened, and could not forgive herself for what had happened, and broke down over what her son had suffered.

Langdon Hospital, Dawlish

The entrance drive at Langdon Hospital, Dawlish

February 1959 [?]

I felt too tired to travel to Dawlish on Saturday so Norman had to ask for the day off, a pity, he has already had three and a half days of his holidays. Lyn called here just after 10pm to let us know how Geoffrey was; it looks as if this hospital is going to be far superior to Calderstones. Geoffrey was quite settled and said some boys had gone on holiday, and would he have one? Geoffrey is with twenty-three boys in their teens, each ward is self-contained, meals, day room, baths, TV and lawn at the back with swings etc, no locked doors, no lodge, any one of the boys could walk out but don’t. Geoffrey stood by the hedge watching a tractor ploughing, you can guess how interested he was. No attendant to watch visitors, they bring a cup of tea each, then close the door. Geoffrey was not put to bed as he dreaded; there were flowers and budgies about. Dad and I are going on Friday. Geoffrey wanted to know why I didn’t go on Wednesday. After this good news I felt as if a heavy weight had been  lifted, no one knows how I worried through many sleepless nights, wondering if Geoffrey would be better off, and leaving Mother in Newholme; now Geoffrey seems as if he will have a better chance, and I must think what is best for Mother. I will send her flowers on her birthday, March 1st. [BEG]

1st February 1959

Lyn and Norman went to see Geoffrey. He hadn’t been kept in bed, was settled. The place seems very different to C[alderstones], no locks. What a relief. Mam and I going next Saturday. [FWG]

February

1959 [?]

Still good news about Geoffrey. Dad and Phil went last Friday. Lyn and I go this week. Dad and Phil were allowed to take him anywhere in the grounds, so they walked round the park, then down the drive (I think I told you there’s no lodge to report to), and across the road. Geoffrey was delighted, but Dad was afraid of being caught out of the grounds and would not go farther than a farm. Perhaps as well, if Geoffrey had seen the cliffs and sea he would probably have wanted to stay. There was the usual delaying on his return, otherwise no trouble. The charge told Dad last week the boy who sits opposite Geoffrey stood up shouting and crying, he said Geoffrey had hit him. The charge told Geoffrey, 'You did quite right, it will teach him a lesson.’ I know Geoffrey would not interfere with the boy. I bet Geoffrey was surprised that he wasn’t punished. [BEG]

February 1959

Dad and I went to see Geoffrey, it all seems too good to be true. It is beautifully situated on a hillside, fields up to the grounds. The villa Geoffrey is in has wire netting round but nothing was locked; the dormitory has French windows, chintz curtains. Geoffrey looked very well, had a nice grey suit, and a nice shirt, no need to take him one now. Dad did not care for the charge [nurse] but he turned out to be a very understanding man, he said Geoffrey was their best patient: he was clean, could dress and undress himself. The charge said he was of the opinion Geoffrey was glad to get away from Calderstones, and was surprised Geoffrey seemed frightened when the word attendant was mentioned, and said, 'Probably pushed around by them, eh Geoffrey?’ This charge believes in kindness, and if an attendant is rough he soon ticks them off. Geoffrey is quite different to what the charge expected, far better; he is just getting Geoffrey to talk to him; does not believe in isolation, so Geoffrey is sitting at a table with five others, and is using a knife and fork, in spite of being warned that it was dangerous to allow Geoffrey to have them. What rot. Poor Geoffrey has suffered far more than we will ever know; this charge has even started Geoffrey making dish cloths on a frame, Geoffrey has done a few rows. So at last occupation, what we have always wanted; now they are waiting for Geoffrey to have a fit to see what happens then. By the way, there is a little park in the in the grounds for visitors and patients to sit in, and we can take Geoffrey in nice weather. All so much better and understanding than at Calderstones, and this in spite of the charge having thirty two dirty cases out of forty. I think of the poor patient who was exchanged, what a future, and this ward’s worst patient, poor soul will probably end up in the dreaded D1.

Geoffrey was the same with me I’m sorry to say, I got blows for saying the wrong thing. Not visiting this week because the threshers are coming Friday, means cooking dinner for eight. [BEG]

14th February 1959

Isn’t it marvellous that Geoffrey has settled down so well. It was wonderful to go and see him and find him in a real 'home’, not a prison. Each villa is complete in itself, with bedroom, bath and w.c., dining room, play room, kitchen and a recreation ground with swings, see-saws etc. There are pretty curtains up. flowers, a budgie, TV, wireless, gramophone, etc., and the boys can play with bricks, jig-saws etc. any time, they are all left about on tables. They overlook farmland so Geoffrey thoroughly enjoyed watching a tractor ploughing. No locked doors, lodge to report to, we just walk in unchallenged and go to the villa. The atmosphere is completely different and Geoffrey seems much happier already. In comparison Calderstones is like one of those institutions from the Middle Ages. [FEB]

Early March 1959

Dad and I going to visit Geoffrey tomorrow. Lyn and I should have gone today but the darned thrasher came today, so I had to alter our arrangements. [BEG]

30th March 1959

Geoffrey is still very good in the ward, but not so good with Dad, he could not say the right thing. Dad was upset because Geoffrey seemed glad to be going back to the boys for tea. I said, 'Well, that is just what I’m so thankful for.’ Dad said, 'I suppose it is best if you can look at it like that.’ After our visit Dad and I went round Dawlish to find the lay of the land in case we have Geoffrey out for a day. It’s a very disappointing place, hundreds of caravans, motels etc., does not seem to be any handy quiet spots. [BEG]

26th July 1959

Dennis took Ralph and I to see Geoffrey, and had the day at Teignmouth, a lovely place, very lively and busy. It seems to have everything, so Dennis thought, and the day was perfect. Dennis and Ralph took turns driving, it was a proud feeling I had, be-Dad. I think Mam will think so too. [FWG]

10th August 1959

Tomorrow we are taking all three [grandchildren] to Teignmouth, picking Geoffrey up as before. Going by taxi to make a long day. [FWG]

29th October 1959

Soon be bonfire night, we took Geoffrey a box of fireworks for the ward; they have a fine time, each ward has £1 worth of fireworks, and they have a huge fire. This year Geoffrey won’t have to look out of the window like they do at Calderstones. I hope you have a good time too. [BEG]

19th December 1959

Today it has rained all day - poor Mam and Dad are visiting Geoffrey too; fortunately Ralph has taken them in the car so they will be able to shelter a bit. [FEB]

11th January 1960

At last it’s stopped raining, but by heck it can be cold here. Saturday and Sunday were awful. Lyn and Norman took Geoffrey out Sunday, they say they couldn’t stay out of the car for more than a few minutes, and just drove about. Geoffrey doesn’t usually feel it, but even he was glad to keep in the car, and have hot drinks from flasks. Dawlish and Teignmouth are bleak, dreary places on wet or cold days, no place to light a fire, and no Aspinall Arms, always howling winds. I dread going. So different from summer. [FWG]

19th April 1960

Lyn came with me to visit Geoffrey, a miserable journey, she was sick nearly all the way. It was a bright day. We met one of the attendants in the drive whotold us Geoffrey had been moved to another ward and we would have to go to the visiting room. We were again pleasantly surprised; it’s a small room, table with flowers in the centre, easy chairs about, pictures hang on the walls, and nice bright curtains. Geoffrey was sitting there in a grey suit, brown shoes and cream shirt. (I don’t take shirts now.) A light coat was folded on the table; the attendant asked if we wanted the fire lighting, and the coat was there 'in case we wanted to take Geoffrey for a walk’. Then we were left alone. Geoffrey gave us all the news. This part is a bit like Calderstones wards, but upstairs is where they go to bed, and they have their own baths. Geoffrey says, 'Do I get roasted potatoes here?’ We have never seen him looking so brown, must be out a lot, and sea air, he can see the buses and traffic passing. Lyn and I took him all round the gardens, and down to the road, where we bought two bunches of flowers, and put the money in a jam jar left for the purpose. Geoffrey was in a very happy mood, laughing outright at times. We several patients returning in twos and threes who had been out for walks. By the way, Geoffrey said, 'Does Dennis know where I am?’, so perhaps you might send him a postcard when you have time.

Last Thursday it rained the whole of the day, it seems to have been all over the country. Dad and Phil visited Geoffrey; what happened I don’t know but Geoffrey was quite different. Dad couldn’t do or say the right thing. Phil thinks probably kept in a day or two because of the weather. Pity, because it does upset Dad. [BEG]

April, 1960

It was a lovely sunny day on Saturday when I took Geoffrey out, and we really enjoyed ourselves. He is never any trouble, and is usually watching through the window for me coming. [BEG]

28th September 1960

Phil took us to see Geoffrey yesterday; we went by ferry from Starcross to Exmouth, first time we have been there, it is a fine town and holiday place. It was very windy and cold, and we came back in torrential rain, and had to sit in the car for some time before we dashed the few yards to the ward. Geoffrey was asking about Dennis, did I now where you were working etc., etc. Dad and I going to see him on Tuesday. I told him I was going to see Mother, he thought I was only going for a day and was a bit upset, however, I promised he shall have Christmas at the farm, so all’s well again. [BEG]

15th October 1960

Fine, bright weather here, but cold wind and frosty nights and mornings. Ralph came with me to see Geoffrey on Friday. Geoffrey was very good indeed, and we had a grand day at teignmouth. [FWG]

9th January 1961

Geoffrey’s last day yesterday. We had a two-day extension. He sensed it was coming to an end, and Sunday’s dinnertime was terrible, as bad as old times, food and dishes swept away, the meal ruined. We were all raging and shocked, and dreaded what was to come. But we very soon realised it was useless to lose our tempers, and we just let him cool off. Before teatime we told him he was going back at six o’ clock, and like a mir

acle he was resigned, and took it marvellously. He even looked different, no one could have seen anything was wrong with him. But for a minute or two he broke down and turned away in tears, and said, 'I can’t help being like this, can I?’ Mam wept, so did I, and we all felt bad at getting worked up about his tantrum. All the way back in the car he was like a normal person. We are given three bottles of tablets when he comes on holiday from the hospital, and with having two extra days there were some short. He had only half the quantity for two days before the last day (we saved enough to dose him yesterday), and whether that caused the uproar I don’t know. [FWG]

17th January 1961

Your [parcel] arrived in good order the Friday before Christmas. Geoffrey was here and stood watching Dad dive in the box for presents. He took it well and said, 'Dennis doesn’t know I’m here, he must have sent it to the ward.’ ... Geoffrey was very, very pleased to be home again. Phil and Dad went for him. Geoffrey still taking seven pills a day, talking much more sensibly. The last week he was in a tantalising mood, laughing when he annoyed us, getting Dad really mad. Dad was really unlucky because he kept Ôsaying the wrong things’, then Geoffrey would pinch Dad’s ears, and it hurts. Dad thinks Geoffrey has been awful, 'just like Manley Road’ he thinks, don’t believe it. Lyn says Dad must have forgotten how bad those days were. If Geoffrey were good all the time he would not have to live away from his family. Going back was just as distressing. I thought it would be easier now he is understood so much better. Geoffrey cried, and asked. 'What makes me do these things?’ I said, 'I don’t know; the doctors don’t know.’ Ralph told Geoffrey his holiday was over, and says he will never forget the look on his face, and how normal appeared after Ralph told him. Ralph was wonderful with Geoffrey, he is very much like you. I always say I have two Dennises or two Ralphs, so thoughtful and considerate for other people. Dad and I went to Teignmouth with Geoffrey last Saturday; we need not have worried, the staff said he had settled well. It was a very sunny day but cold; Dad thought it better to take a flask and sandwiches which we had in a promenade shelter. I think if we had had a hot meal we would not have shivered so much, but cost nearly 30s fares, such a distance. Geoffrey asked such strange questions, who will die, Dad or me? And when we die, 'who will visit me, and take me out?’ Geoffrey may well ask. I think he will be lucky if he is taken out every two months, only Dad and I can devote all our time to him, poor Geoffrey. [BEG]

6th February 1961

I had a fine day with Geoffrey on Saturday, lovely and sunny, he kept asking me to feel if his back was hot. We walked along the front by the trains. Geoffrey saluted the drivers who saluted back, pleased him immensely. The staff said Geoffrey had been very good all week, they say he will be quieter now he is older, and we must treat him as a man, and then later they hope to get him to work, that will be the day. Geoffrey still worrying about Dad and I dying, I suppose he is afraid of being left, he said, 'I shall feel sad and cry’. I told him if he did he would make Dad and me sad because we could see him and know what he was doing but couldn’t talk to him. I wish he would drop this subject. Ralph is taking us next week, I’m glad, much easier by car. [BEG]

24th April 1961

Lyn’s baby is expected any day, she is well and looks terrific. One of Geoffrey’s remarks was, 'Does it look like an easter egg under your dress?’... Dora enjoyed her stay, and wrote saying she would always remember this visit as something very special. Dora and Dad had plenty to talk about, property, and the past. She stayed a day longer to see Geoffrey. Philip went for him, so Dora was able to go along too, and of course Dad... Dora gave Geoffrey a wonderful present, it’s a Viewmaster, three dimensions, wonderful pictures of birds and wild animals, must have cost quite a bit, that’s the trouble with Dora, she will not receive any hospitality without making some return... As I said over the ‘phone, Geoffrey was not so good this time, he would insist on touching someone’s nose many times, we tried to stick it, but it became most annoying. When I took him to bed (it takes him so long to undress we went up a good half hour before anyone) Geoffrey would suddenly pounce on me and squeeze me as hard as he could, sometimes it was frightening, and he could hurt, yet it was supposed to be fun.

One day he was watching me in the kitchen garden when Dad passed and called out, 'Hello sow! Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean you!’ If there is one thing Geoffrey does not like, it is to be made fun of. He went red then rushed out. Dad must have seen him coming and ran into the barn; it is impossible for Geoffrey to move fast so he couldn’t catch Dad, so off came the lid of the milk churn and smash went the window. Afterwards, when I asked Geoffrey why he had done this, he said, 'I didn’t like Dad peeping round the corners, and if I broke it with my hand there would have been blood, and the ward might see it’. Dora was surprised at the things he said. When he was saying goodbye to you on the ‘phone Geoffrey said, 'Do I feel a bit sad now?’ I told him, 'No, it’s nice to hear all their voices, and besides you have another holiday soon, and just think, all the boys will be waiting to ask if you have enjoyed yourself’. Geoffrey said, 'Some of them won’t, they’ll say, 'Hell, is he back?’ This hospital must be wonderful, Geoffrey went back naturally a bit miserable, but not the least bit of trouble. Ralph took us (Dad, Geoffrey and me) to the Ram’s Head, and we stayed until closing time. Geoffrey thoroughly enjoyed the evening and so did we, watching the darts team, eating nuts and crisps, and we also took him to Barnstaple twice. [BEG]

18th May 1961

Going to see Geoffrey tomorrow together. Lately been going alone in turn. Philip and Ralph are too busy to take us this time of year. Geoffrey wasn’t so good on his last holiday here but went back alright, thank heaven. I get tired of going to Teignmouth, nice as it is. The happy memories for me are the days with you, Geoffrey and the children at Whalley, Mytton etc. [FWG]

12th November 1961

I went to see Geoffrey last Thursday alone. He pulled my nose, stamped on my shoes and pinched my thighs all day, and I let him. When he does that in the ward, of course it leads to trouble and strife. If he won’t stop it I’m afraid he will be moved. I had a talk with the Welfare Officer, but he only recited Geoffrey’s sins. Mam and I go on Friday, and hope for the best. [FWG]

18th December 1961

We weren’t in festive mood this Christmas. It has been a great shock. We have done everything possible to stop this transfer, but the superintendent is an obstinate robot sort, impossible to move. Half the nurses have confided they are as shocked as we are, and some say Rampton won’t keep Geoffrey for long. But don’t mention this if you go there, except perhaps to hint that we do not agree Geoffrey is a case for them, and hope they will find it so, and move him nearer to us. We thought they would have let us know if he had arrived safely, and was well, but no word. [FWG]

26th December 1961

Bad news about Geoffrey too, isn’t it? Poor boy, and Mam and Dad are terribly upset about his going so far away. They never missed a visit and now they will have to wait a month or two between each visit. Mam has been ill and although she is up and about again she looks dreadful and is still weak. I think a lot of it is due to worry over Geoffrey. [FEB]

The entrance to Rampton

Cells at Rampton: we had to visit Geoffrey in a padded cell as there were no other facilities

Buildings at Rampton

5th February 1962

Geoffrey has now been moved to another ward; poor lad, must be wondering what will happen next. The car is not likely to be ready for a fortnight, so Dad and I cannot wait any longer to see Geoffrey and will have to pay for a taxi from here to station and hope someone will meet us at Okehampton on our return, 11.30pm if on time. We will travel on the 14th, and I’m hoping we can stay in the district two days, Dad thinks one night. It is costing about £15 in fares as well as the tiring journey. I think it’s silly to travel one day, see Geoffrey next day, and then home, that short time would have to last at least six weeks because of the cost. [BEG]

28th November 1962

After seeing Geoffrey on October 19th and 20th Mam and I decided to make our effort to have him moved. Dr Dacre said he couldn’t agree honestly that he wouldn’t still be a danger to others, and one like Geoffrey could upset a whole ward. This in spite of only two impulsive outbursts in the year, knocking his dinner onto the floor in June, and dragging his bed mattress to the floor in October. Dacre hinted our best plan was to write to Ministry of Health at Bristol. I did so, giving a brief history. They referred me to medical Officer of Health for Devon. They to Devon County Clinic, who sent a Social Work Officer to see us. He said write direct to Superintendent at Rampton, after hearing our story. Round and round in circles. Anyway, I’ve written him, but what a hope without outside help we feel it’s hopeless, any risk however remote must be taken by someone else. [FWG]

9th August 1962

Mam came back with me from Devon, partly to keep me company on the journey, but mainly so that she could go and see Geoffrey. We arrived here about Sunday teatime, and she left for Rampton early Monday morning. She stayed in the local village Monday night, saw Geoffrey again on Tuesday and came back to Manchester very late Tuesday night. As Mam left for Devon on the nine o’ clock train Wednesday morning it meant an awful lot of travelling and I don’t really think it was worth it. Geoffrey was no better, and I don’t suppose he ever will be. [FDG]

?

Just a brief note before you see dad since we visited Geoffrey which as you know was a shock: he was cowed, thinner we thought, his good colour had gone with not getting out much. Geoffrey told me many things that happen in the ward which I repeated to dad because Geoffrey muttered, saying he could not talk in the ward, and 'Why do the staff look like that, and kick and hit?’ He also said someone had 'pulled him’ andmade him shout, and his box of sugar almonds had been taken. I have been very upset, and probably more than Dad will ever know, but I do not agree nor do Lyn , Philip and Ralph with dad writing time and again with complaints, it is becoming an obsession. Dad thinks I don’t care because I say, with the dreadful report from Starcross, 'dangerous to other patients’. It is up to Geoffrey to prove them wrong, which I am sure time will show. The hospitals have the power, parents can do nothing, especially at this early stage. Try to persuade Dad that it does not do any good to get on the wrong side of doctors. Another thing, Dad says half his sweets etc are taken. This is not so, only the sugar almonds packet was taken by another patient... I hope to see Geoffrey again early in April and shall be waiting anxiously to hear all news when Dad returns. [BEG]

12th October 1962

I expect Lyn and Norman will now be in Retford; how long will we have to keep on going to that dreadful place? It is a month since Dad wrote to the Ministry of Health, evidently making enquiries before replying. [BEG]

Lyn has ‘phoned from Retford, very shocked at the change in Geoffrey. [BEG]

8th January 1963

We intended visiting Geoffrey this week but trains from Exeter to London are up to two hours late, and it’s no picnic of a journey without delays, so we have postponed until next 17th and 18th. I do hope we can get through then, this is the second year poor Geoffrey has been without visitors at Christmas. We all sent him separate cards so he would receive plenty. Dora, Mabel, Jean sent cards and I expect you did so he would know we were thinking of him. [BEG]

1st February 1963

Mam and I are with Geoffrey now. He looks thin and crushed. We took a chance coming now, and found trains all late and cold. Just got to pub before closing 10.30 Wednesday night after Devon, though snowing during last night and this morning. [FWG]

March 1963/1962?

Lovely to listen to you all from Retford and wish it could have been longer. I miss you very much, only seeing you once a year is the drawback living so far away. It was just as hard to say goodbye to Geoffrey, his smile when he saw us is something I shall not forget. Through Grandpa being ill it meant Geoffrey was without a visit for ten weeks. It was dreadfully cold, and the pub where we stay had parties the three nights we were there, voices loud with the drink, didn’t finish until two or three in the morning, little sleep for us as our room was very near, getting too much after the long journey. The councillor has not written, expect he is busy with election time. [BEG] [Ralph fight]

27th March 1963

Isn’t it wonderful that our efforts to get Geoffrey out of dreadful Rampton have been successful, really the credit goes to Dora,. Dad has written often, we have been so enraged and upset at the change in our poor boy, that it has been impossible for dad to write without expressing our concern and blaming Rampton. I have not been much help, my mind was blank with anxiety. I did suggest asking Dora to write, she has always been ready to help and is unbiased. Dad copied the letter and while he wrote he said he felt like cutting his throat at having to crawl to the Superintendent. Dora says it was fate to write at that time, Geoffrey’s doctor was away ill and the letter made the Superintendent see Geoffrey personally, otherwise our letters are always passed on to Geoffrey’s doctor. It is three weeks since our visit, we look for the post every day. The Manchester lawyers have had all papers concerning Geoffrey a month, and no reply. I was very disappointed not to see Dennis in Retford or speak to you on the ‘phone, except once when we only had change for three minutes... it looks as if you will have to come to us for reunions as our cash has dwindled on visiting Geoffrey. [BEG]

June 1963

Grandpa and I are making the long journey to Rampton next week to see poor Geoffrey again, after so much hope I dread this visit. We will be in Exeter on Thursday the 4th and could meet you about 8pm. Phil or Ralph will be meeting us at Crediton. [BEG]

21st October 1963

As you know we went to see Geoffrey last week. Although Mam and Dad warned me about the change, I was still unprepared to find Geoffrey looking so very thin, strained and unhappy. You know yourself what Rampton is like so no need to dwell on that. Our two days seemed like two years, so what much each day seem like to Geoffrey? They wouldn’t even let us take him a little walk in the grounds, despite the double-locked doors all round. It would have been perfectly safe, and it was a lovely, sunny day.

I felt I just had to write and ask you if you would visit him when you find the time. I’m sure that seeing any of us means a lot to him, and the more visits he gets the more chance of saving him from becoming worse. Living under such conditions he is becoming like an automaton, afraid to move or speak, it was only after hours of hard work that we managed to break down some of the barrier and get him to relax enough to take an interest in his surroundings.

It helps Mam too, to know we think and care enough about Geoffrey to go. She is worrying herself ill over him and no wonder.

If only there was something we could do. It occurred to me to and plead with the Superintendent at Dawlish and explain the change in Geoffrey, say how much good they did, and couldn’t they find a vacancy and offer to have him back. But dad says it would be useless, the Superintendent just doesn’t want any patients that are any trouble at all. dad has written to everyone he can think of, Civil Liberties, ministers, a reporter who wrote about Rampton, and so on - but has not had a single reply yet. [FEB]

November 1964

It has been a dreadful blow that Geoffrey was not able to adjust himself to home life; it has left a mark on dad and me, to have failed after fighting all this time. Geoffrey really hadn’t a chance, Rampton did not tell our doctor what to give him other than the barbitone, the same dose Geoffrey had when he was fourteen years, he should have had tranquillizers. The first trouble was when his hand had to be stitched, and Dad told the doctor he might tear the bandage off; the doctor just said, 'Oh!’, gave Geoffrey two capsules, and another three to be given at bedtime. After the first two Geoffrey was staggering like a drunk and falling, he looked pitiful, and held his head. I would only give him one capsule at night. The doctor asked how the capsule suited Geoffrey. dad said, 'They were miraculous’, so more were prescribed. We asked if they were harmful, and were told if we took them we’d have a good night’s sleep; fancy, sleeping pills after Geoffrey had had a good night, he did not want to have the capsules but was made to. The last ten days he was at home I refused to give him anything, and Geoffrey was wonderful, and such a happy look on his face; by that time the dreadful decision had been made that Geoffrey should return; can you possibly imagine how we felt, signing Geoffrey’s liberty away, and there was the wandering off for miles. This has been harder to bear than when Geoffrey first went to Calderstones. I feel a part of me has gone. I cannot work any interest up in the garden or anything, and the nights are long when memories are sad. In desperation I took one of Geoffrey’s capsules; no wonder the poor boy tried to refuse them. I get a good night but it takes all next day to clear my head, it feels as if the top was lifting, and difficult to walk straight. Geoffrey does suffer but never complains. I sometimes noticed him rubbing hs head, I think Rina was there once, and then a red patch appeared where the pain had been. Never fail to appreciate the great blessing of a healthy family, I never realised, but oh, how thankful I would be to have Geoffrey well. I told you on the ‘phone Dennis how surprised Dad and I were at the reception we received at Rampton, even Dr Dacre was most friendly, and said, 'I have not given up hope of you having Geoffrey home, probably when he is older.’ I am convinced he will never be coming again, time is against us. The hard part that we have to accept is that our boy will be like many other patients alone, when his parents have gone. We will not risk going to Rampton again before Christmas, we have to catch London trains in Exeter now, and before the train arrived the loudspeakers announced, 'The front coaches were full, would passengers make for the rear’, and it was the same all the way. All windows closed, and heat full on, just right for all the little germs to get busy. And sure enough, I, who never have a cold, caught a beauty. dad and I were very pleased to get back to quiet peacefulness... Dad and I don’t go out much, we have to be careful now, £3 a week has to be found to visit Geoffrey again. [BEG]

November 1964

Not much interest this Christmas, it was going to be such a joy with Geoffrey at home, and we will not be seeing him till after Christmas because of crowded travelling. Dora has left some little novelties here for him and I have a box of indoor fireworks, I’ll make a parcel up for him. [BEG]

3rd December 1964

I’ve just finished Phil’s bedroom and before that Geoffrey’s bedroom, both of which were spoiled by poor Geoffrey... [FWG]

12th January 1965?64?

Geoffrey was very pleased to see us, and seemed to be taller. The staff and doctors were wonderful with us again, takes some getting used to after the past three years. Seems Geoffrey has been more settled since he returned, and had had one fit, he is in the ward with the most freedom, which is something to be thankful for. Still, I think Geoffrey’s discharge was very unfair... Geoffrey was expected to start again where he had left off fifteen years ago, an impossibility. I don’t know how long we will be able to keep the visits up, it’s a strain both physically and financially. I have suggested to Dad that we go singly, Geoffrey would have the same number of visits at half the cost. Dad not keen to go alone.

5th October 1965

Dad and I went to Rampton via Sheffield, we save about 30s that way; going the train was late, so missed the connection and lucky to catch the last bus to Retford. We returned via London because there was a risk of missing the Winkleigh bus, what a journey, Dad and I never seen so many people waiting at the station. Dad made the dash for seats while I followed with the case, the compartment soon filled, and only then did we notice Dad had taken two booked seats. Sure enough the porter came along with a couple and Dad and I had to move. the corridors were packed with people and luggage. We made for a first class and so did others. When the inspector came Dad stood in the passage and (proper crafty) I held my head, he punched the tickets, and asked Dad to try and find me a seat at Taunton; three other people he made pay the extra 27s 6d, not fair. Geoffrey enjoyed his first day, showing interest in snapshots of Manley Road etc., we took him some stewed blackberries and cream. Geoffrey’s only words were 'Don’t go yet’ when time for us to leave, often his eyes filled with tears as he sat looking at us. The last day is very sad, and it is a hard fight not to show our feelings too much in front of Geoffrey. The staff say he is no trouble, clean and obedient, and well-behaved; this is the hardest burden, that Geoffrey is not like this with the ones who want to give him loving care. Some day we will understand. [BEG]

2nd March 1966

The card sent my thoughts back to Whalley, Calderstones, Mytton etc. when Geoffrey was there. We didn’t think so then, but so much worse has happened since, we realise now they were happy days, never to return. Some of the outings we had together have very dear memories. We hear nearly every week from Andrew (and also old Arthur Dunny)). The latter gets feebler and so do his letters. In his last he wrote to Mam 'You are my only and best friend. I hope you keep well, if I lost you I should be lost indeed.’ which shows what it means to such poor simple souls to believe they have a friend. I’m sure Andrew will feel like that to Frank, more so as time passes. [FWG]

March 1966

Dad went to the usual pub, 'Anchor’ in Retford, the place was packed. Mrs Turner was behind the bar, looking younger and prettier. Dad called to her, she said, 'As usual, number 4. Norman’s (her husband) dead.’ Dad was shocked and so was I. He wasn’t well in September but was serving in November. Norman was in bed, but got up during the day to keep the books in order. Mrs Turner said, 'I’ve been to the the brewery, and I am having my name over door.’ Norman died December 31st after a stroke, he was 52. She had arranged a New Year’s party, and said, 'The show must go on’, and it did, although her husband lay dead in the house, and died only a few hours earlier. Have you ever heard of anything so callous and dreadful. Norman dead and gone as if he had never been there. Dad and I feel we don’t want to go in the place again, but there is nowhere else. [BEG]

April 14th 1966

As you know Dad and I visited my dearest of all sons last week. It was five months since I last saw Geoffrey (longest separation yet for me). He stared hard at me, then Geoffrey touched my hand several times. almost to make sure I was there. I was very happy just to be with him. When arranging our visit we had forgotten how near Easter was, so returning Thursday we met the crowds. We did have a seat in the train but it was four a side and two children. Exeter had a traffic jam and it was an hour’s wait before the bus to Crediton could get through to the station. Phil met us and of course he had the long wait for us too. We were tired and exhausted by the time we arrived home. Dad and I will not be able to keep this up much longer, we shall have to do some hard thinking then. I don’t want Geoffrey to be like so many other patients, just left, with never a visitor. We had travelled just over one thousand miles in ten days. [BEG]

6th June 1966

Mam and I are in luck next week. Phil is taking us to see Geoffrey in the car. What a relief to avoid the crowded trains at this time of year. [FWG]

15th September 1966

Mam and I went to Rampton for the usual four days last week, the railway carriages were ovens. [FWG]

22nd November 1966

When we left to see Geoffrey on 14th November all looked as when you were here, lovely autumn foliage, but when we returned on the 17th the gales and frosts had stripped the trees. [FWG]

October 27th 1966

The only thing that makes me sad is when I think of the time I shall have to leave Phil and Geoffrey, both are going to be so very lonely. Our new minister is trying to get Geoffrey transferred to Bristol where there are three hospitals. I hope and pray he will be successful; it will be difficult because Rampton has such a stigma. Lyn said she could visit Geoffrey once a month then.  [BEG]

25th January 1967

In future, Mam and me must visit Geoffrey by ourselves. It is too much for Phil to shoulder my work, and look after his own meals, etc., and the journey and digs are too costly. I am going on Monday the 5th February, all being well, seeing Geoffrey on the 6th and 7th, then coming to Manchester...[FWG]

27th March 1967

...will while away the weary journey to Retford... [FWG]

April 1968

Geoffrey will be 30 years end of June, hard to believe, yet seems ages and ages since I used to take him along the river Mersey and to Mother’s. Thank you very much Dennis for the paper with the article about mental health, very true, and very interesting: born to be in hospitals, and forgotten except for the nearest. Impossible to understand why this has to be. Should make all parents without this burden very thankful indeed. We are going to Retford next week. Ralph taking us. I wrote for special permission for three to visit in the ward, usual reply: 'Very sorry to disappoint you but only two visitors allowed.’ [BEG]

October 1968

I am not going next week to see Geoffrey but on the 19th instead, not fair for me to go before the calves are sold and leave extra for Philip. [BEG]

30th November 1967

You say, Dennis, you hoped Geoffrey was pleased to see us: he always is, at first he is too full of emotion to speak, just wants to look at Dad and me, and touch us; after all, two months between visits must seem (and is to me) a very long time. We have a very happy time together, he talks well, and gives us the happenings in the ward. Geoffrey told us he had taken two sweets from a boy. Mr Black smacked him across the face and he had to go to bed. I said, 'You know that was wrong. Why did you do it?’ Geoffrey said, 'I wanted to taste what they were like.’! What could be said to that? Geoffrey gets upset as he senses our visit is nearly over, and it is as hard as ever to leave him behind. This week I have written to Rampton asking for a transfer, why Geoffrey is in a security hospital, never tried to run away or hurt anyone. I don’t expect results but lets Rampton know our hopes and wishes. Dad has failed, so said I would write appealing in my own style, a mother. Dad asked to see it before I posted, said it does not do to get their back up. I think I have as much experience. I was mad when I saw him putting commas in, and a different coloured pen; never again. I don’t profess to have a good education, and don’t try to be what I am not. The doctors have seen us both, and so know we feel deeply and are respectable. [BEG]

It has been a particularly upsetting weekend. Friday morning came the reply from Rampton, completely ignoring me although I wrote as if from dad and myself, answered by a doctor who has only been there a month. Nothing answered. 'Why Geoffrey was in a security hospital when he had never tried to run away or injured anyone?’ only: 'Geoffrey is not ready for transfer yet.’ - after seven years. At chapel this afternoon Mr Summersby asked if we had been down to Rampton. Dad said yes, and written’ he had seen something in the 'Observer’ and is coming to see us this week. [BEG]

October 1968?

Grandpa is going to Geoffrey on the 19th. [BEG]

March 1969?

Ralph came on Wednesday evening; after sitting a while he said, 'Has Dad gone for a walk?’ He had forgotten he was going to Rampton... I shall have to wait until Grandpa’s return for Geoffrey’s news. By the way, I seem to have had a more hopeful reply from Rampton, asking us to wait until there is a transfer nearer the farm; grand if they mean what they say. [BEG]

If you have time to enquire from St David’s about trains to Sheffield before the 3.17pm (through please) I would be grateful. The bus to Retford has changed to much later and Grandpa did not arrive there until 11.30pm, too late after travelling so far. [BEG]

April 22nd 1969

I have written trying to get Geoffrey out of Rampton saying we still have house and business in Manchester and so qualify for Calderstones. Don’t expect any luck, but just in case of enquiries. [BEG]

1969? [has postcode sticker]

I had a very happy time with Geoffrey, never talked so much, and clear; he is doing well in the class, painting, and crayons, and now his teacher is trying printing. Geoffrey can copy easily. The teacher says he does not get much help from the superintendent. It is a young doctor who has started the school. Pity he is leaving this month. Lyn sent Geoffrey a constructional set for his birthday, the staff say it is a boon to Geoffrey who is making all kinds of things with it. I was so pleased to be able to tell Lyn this because she has kept trying. There are four blind boys in Geoffrey’s ward and Geoffrey now leads one to the

class and back. I feel our prayers and hopes are being answered.

My back aches today and I feel tired; the worst month I think to travel, all stations and trains packed both ways [BEG]

September 1969

Dad is going to see Geoffrey on Tuesday but I shall have to wait another two months, awful long time. [BEG]

October 14th 1969

Mrs Maynard gave me a piece of cake which I sent to Geoffrey. We have not heard from Rampton since Dad’s visit and seeing Geoffrey with a black eye; we are not supposed to care. A full hour inside a mental hospital on TV last Monday; it was very true, but we have seen worse, the seventy beds, they keep taking about eighty two at Calderstones, also the dreadful punishment ward, just a very small room, no seat or table, dinner on a tin plate on the floor 'like a dog’, Geoffrey said. I asked several people if they had seen the film, not one had, yet this was to enlighten the public and gain sympathy. No one interested unless it is your own. [BEG]

January 1970

... on Thursday the day Grandpa returns from seeing Geoffrey... must get Geoffrey’s parcel ready now. [BEG]

25th March 1971

Mum will be back at the farm now after seeing Geoffrey, so I hope it was a good visit for her. [FEB]

8th April 1971

I walked up to Iddesleigh today with Geoffrey’s comic... [BEG]

4th March 1973

It is only 8.30am, but as Dana and I are leaving here for Rampton about 10.30 I’ll have to write now whilst there’s a chance. [FDG]

4th July 1973

On Sunday I went to see Geoffrey (which you have doubtless heard all about from Nanna). The traffic was very heavy and I saw that bad accident on the way back which upset me very much. [FDG]

Creedy Court, Crediton, Geoffrey's last home

Creedy Court

My notes for an eulogy that wasn't given at Geoffrey's funeral

Birth 16 Manley Rd June 30^th 1937 much wanted

Ralph ditto two years later

1946 brother Dennis returned and married day before G’s 9^th birthday

There when my sister Valerie born 1946 and my sister Stella in 1947, and also there when Stella died in 1948.

I was born in 1949 in same room at Manley Rd, and Geoffrey was outside wanting to see.

When I was nearly 2 we went to live in our new council house, and soon after when G was 14 his behaviour was becoming more difficult and demanding: throwing, wiping tables clear, hitting, touching, he was taken for a ride by 2 ladies in a car and taken to Calderstones Hospital. Later discovered that he was kept in a straightjacket for much of his first few weeks except at meal times.

Care for Learning Disabled (or ‘retarded’) parallel to prison system with warders, locked doors, and punishment wards.

My childhood: 1953-57 nearly weekly visits by bus with grandmother

About 1958-9 moved to Langdon Hospital near Starcross to be near family and very happy

1961 move to Rampton Hospital (punishment?)  -terrible long journeys, visits in padded cell, permanent lock up

1963 managed to get him out to come and live at home in Devon – lasted a year, then back to Rampton – parents devastated, tears

Stayed there

1972 dad died

1986 moved to Kingsley unit in Bideford – much better! Girlfriend

Closed – moved to Kingscott

Moved to Bangor with Dale, Roy and Gill

Creedy Court

Was he visited? Mother, Father and Ralph

Geoffrey: was aware there was something wrong, wept with grief

Mannerisms: questions ‘Do… ?’

Touching knees

Wonderful memory of people and places and events

Jigsaws

Walking

Picking fluff

Throwing!!!

Eating… !!

Illnesses: medication, teeth, health problems, colostomy

Special people: brother Ralph, carers at Rampton (cables), Langdon (tablecloths), Kingley, Bangor, Creedy Court

People we knew from childhood and beyond

I went occasionally to see G and Ralph

Brana met him at the Downs recently

At peace, and he was never abandoned

I took him to vist Ralph in the car a couple of years ago

Drawer at my house – two visits, always wanted to come and stay, to come home.