My Parents' Marriage

Whilst sorting out my old files and correspondence I rediscovered these letters that cover the period in early 1946 from when my mother discovered she was pregnant to her arrival in England and her marriage on June 29th, and the birth of my parents' first child on 4th October.

The address of the doctor who confirmed my mother's pregnancy to her

My mother wrote this note on some paper that must have been from her father, but indicating that he had resumed his employment at the Bank of Sicily. He had been dismissed from his post at the bank six years earlier as a Jew. My mother told me shortly before she died that although he was able to reclaim his post after the war he was warned not to make a fuss or attempt to claim any compensation.

My father wrote to my grandfather asking for permission to marry my mother. My grandfather's reply has become a family legend. It shows perception, understanding and realism.

Of course, my grandfather at this time was quite unaware of my mother's pregnancy, and attempted to delay the marriage to the following year. There were good reasons for this, not just those he enumerated. I suspect that he hoped that time would allow them to reconsider a hasty decision.

The draft of my father's reply to his future father in law. Written in pencil, it is very faded. I believe it is from April, 1946, and in reply to my grandfather's letter of 12th April, 1946. This transcription has been made by my sister:

I am writing to thank you for your most interesting letter. There has been a slight delay because unfortunately it arrived at my home after I had returned to Germany, but my parents readdressed your letter and it arrived here last week. I was delighted to hear from you, Mr Schiff, and I have been awaiting your letter anxiously, though not without a certain amount of trepidation! However, you have set my fears at rest with one of the finest letters it has ever been my pleasure to read. I am very grateful to you for being so frank and honest, and yet also kind and sympathetic. 
I think that by now you will have received the news you were waiting for from Manchester and I sincerely hope that was satisfactory. I am certain in my own mind that the information you have received regarding myself and my family will have been reassuring. I would also like to assure you that I fully appreciate the difficulties which will lie before Liliana and myself. But, Mr Schiff, I considered the matter very, very carefully before I proposed marriage to your daughter and I am completely confident that our marriage will be a success. Believe me, I realize that if I had even the slightest doubt in my mind it would be inviting disaster to marry and, to use your own words, it would lead to the ruin of our two lives, and the consequences would be far worse for Liliana than for myself. Because, as you know, Liliana and I spent a great deal of time together (more than you approved of I fear) during the seven months I was in Milan, and I think we understand each other. I would like to tell you what in my opinion, are Liliana’s merits, because that is the reason I wish to marry her. Naturally, being a man I was first attracted by liliana’s beauty. I am well aware that there are many who would consider her attractive, but I am not concerned with what others may think…..I think she is beautiful. Of course, mere physical attraction, though necessary, is not a sufficient basis for marriage. Beauty fades, and it is then that a marriage is proved a success or failure. As I came to know Liliana more, I realized that she had many other attractions. She is hones, faithful, intellent, adaptable, has had a very good education, and she is devoted to me, a devotion which I entirely and completely reciprocate. Liliana also loves children, which is most important, because I believe that a marriage is incomplete without children and we both desire a family.You say that Liliana’s temperament is also one of her defects, but I personally admire her impetuosity. There are many other things but they all amount to the same. Liliana and I understand each others defects and appreciate each others merits and we are convinced that our married life together will be both happy and harmonious.
You have also mentioned the differences of race, religion and habits, but I discussed all these with Liliana before I proposed to her. I wish to marry Liliana as she has all the qualities that I desire her to have as my wife and the fact that she is Italian is immaterial. I also believe that Liliana has consented to be my wife for the same reasons, and it is not important that I am English and not of the same race. I do not think that I am wrong in assuming that the question of religion is an important one which only Liliana and myself can settle, as it concerns only us. If we had any difference of opinion of course it would inevitably lead to a breakdown of our marriage, but we each respect the other's religion and we are satisfied that it will not have any adverse effect on our married life.The English habits and way of life does not differ greatly from your own and I have no doubt that Liliana will quickly accustom herself to the slight change. Also, Liliana has an excellent knowledge of the English language, and it will be a tremendous help to her when she arrives in England.Well, Mr Schiff, I hope I have succeeded in convincing you of my sincerity. I am certain that our marriage will be lasting, happy and of course, what Liliana and myself desire more than anything in the world. 
During the past month I have been trying to get permission to come to Milan, but I regret to say that all attempts have failed. I have tried every way, but my last hope disappeared a few days ago when S.S.A.F.A informed me that there was no possible chance. I was bitterly disappointed, because as you now (with your approval), I desire to marry Liliana as soon as possible, but if I could not come to Milan I thought we would have to wait at least a year. However, I received some news yesterday which has altered everything. To my surprise and joy, I am to be released from the Army immediately, because the Government consider that my civilian work in England is more important, so next week I return to England. My future is now secure and I can offer Liliana the home and happiness she desires. I earnestly hope that you will consider my request for an early marriage, because both Liliana and I would like to start our married life together and settle down in a home of our own. I personally, would have preferred to be married in Milan, but unfortunately, that is impossible. However, the British Government will permit Liliana to travel to England, and I would like her to come if you will permit it. You cannot imagine how much I am suffering because of our separation, and if you will sanction Liliana’s journey to England and our early marriage, Mr Schiff, you will earn my heartfelt thanks and gratitude.In the anticipation that we will have your permission, I will prepare for Liliana’s reception when I arrive in England!I pray that I shall not be disappointed.Once again I thank you for your kind and fatherly letter, and send you and your family my very kindest regards and best wishes.
Yours sincerely

Release of my father from the army for civilian reconstruction work in England

The Rev. Fred Ethell, Rector of St Margaret's Church, Whalley Range, gave assistance to my father to make possible the marriage

My mother's journey to England

Another sensitive letter from my grandfather. He was told a day or two before my mother left for England of her pregnancy. Of course, with the privilege of a father he could forget his own peccadilloes, how my grandmother had given birth to their first child Fausta out of wedlock, and how my own mother was born only six weeks after his own marriage to my grandmother.

The first night in England

The wedding announcement card

Congratulations from my grandfather's colleagues

The reference here to Eugenio Schiff led me on a wild goose chase, but it was very interesting nevertheless. This was a mistake of my grandfather for Sir Ernest Schiff who did have his offices at this address, 29 Throgmorton Street, but he died in November 1918. There was indeed at one time a Eugen Schiff living in London, a refugee from Germany. His grandson was extremely helpful to me in my research, though I never succeeded in establishing to which Schiff family they did belong. I placed all my research materials here.

Delivery of their child Valerie. This was before the National Health Service, and was extremely expensive.

A greetings telegram from my mother's family in Italy on the birth of her first child

An undated partial letter from my grandfather to my mother. I believe the signatories on the last page must be work colleagues of my mother or her father. In the letter there is a reference to my grandmother that I cannot quite understand, though I have my suspicions. '...mai capire la ragione del suo male. A Tirana credevo di averla capito, ma voi invece di aiutarmi mi avete sempre nascosto ogni cosa facendo il suo male.'